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I just got out of a meeting with my supervisor and a member of our HR department, giving me a "formal warning" for engaging in inappropriate conduct by visiting a coworker in the hospital.

HR told me doing this was violating their rules on employee relationships. We're both men and in about the same position in different departments. I was trying to be courteous in the HR meeting while still pushing for details on why they thought it was inappropriate, and all the representative could tell me was "It's against the rules. Read the handbook".

I'm not sure how I could avoid future inappropriate situations if I can't find anything inappropriate about this one. What did I do wrong?

We can not tell you what you did wrong (that sounds odd to me too), but your HR person has given you the hook you need by claiming that the employee handbook forbids it. This means you can (politely) ask the HR person to point out the relevant policy, so you can review it and make sure you understand it.

If you'd thought of this during the meeting you could have said something like "oh, I didn't remember that from when I read the handbook; could you show me where so I can review it?". After the fact, your best bet is to send email (so you'll have a "paper" trail). In the email you want to convey: (1) you want to follow your employer's policies, (2) you didn't know you hadn't, so (3) you want to review to avoid future problems. Be polite, not confrontational; if it turns out the HR person is wrong, you can deal with that later. Here's a sample message, which assumes that you've checked the handbook and couldn't find the relevant part:

Dear HR person,

Thank you for letting me know about our policy against hospital visits. I'd like to review the relevant policies again so I can be sure to avoid future problems. I'm having trouble finding this in my copy of the handbook; could you please tell me where I should be looking? Thank you.

I think that there is a different point of view that's not being considered here, but it's difficult to know for sure with the little detail that you provided in your question.

It seems very unusual and unlikely that HR would have a policy that prohibits something as simple as a visit to a co-worker in the hospital. Obviously, I'm basing this off of my experience living and working in the United States, other cultures may have different norms for this type of behavior. So you need to respect the norms and work culture where you are.

But ultimately this sounds to me as if the person you visited may have been uncomfortable with your visit and reached out to HR or their supervisor. Perhaps they are embarrassed, or uncomfortable with interacting with you outside of the office for something that they consider to be a very personal and private matter.

It's not at all uncommon to have friends at work. I was once friends with a couple at my office and I would regularly visit them at their house. However, nothing you've said has indicated that you are close friends with this coworker you visited, other than the fact that you thought to visit him.

Hospital visits are a special sort of case where a person is particularly vulnerable. This person is unable to leave, and so he is at a tremendous social disadvantage when someone chooses to visit him. This isn't to say he necessarily dislikes you but sometimes uneven social environments are very discomforting to people even when the other person is being perfectly pleasant.

My guess is that the coworker informed management about the visit, as others have indicated. You may have committed a subtle sort of faux pas that's hard to pin down. I wouldn't fret about it too much since this sort of thing can happen to the best of us. I think the Interpersonal Skills stack exchange is a great place to learn more about social cues and I'd like to spend more time there myself.

This is an inhumane rule, thus you are by an inhumane company.

It doesn't matter, what is in their "handbooks". It is long bad that the HR thinks they are free to dictate the off-workplace, human relation of the employee.

It is your decision, how do you deal with it. I can imagine such a wage, or life situation, for which I would tolerate it.

But the main attitude is this: the company is inhumane and un-ethical, so if also you aren't very ethical with it, is not a big problem.

At least, you are free to use their own evil rules against them. Check that handbook, and find ways to attack back, while you hold a bridge to fly away.

Hopefully no HR co-worker will ever say you that you were "un-ethical" in any sense.